When it rains, it pours.
Men are running down my cheek
and wetting my lips
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wednesday Haiku
Not running away
But I can't be around you
And not be crazy
So here is another story about the same friend.
My father died of Alzheimer's disease a year and a half ago. It was so horrible. Even though I knew it was going to happen and the last year of his life was truly hell I was still torn apart.
Now I mention this for a reason that will become apparent.
This friend of mine and I, as I have stated, have a mutual attraction and at the point of New Years 2 years ago it was at full throttle. Every time we saw each other we would either kiss or just make stupid goo-goo eyes; sickening all of our friends.
So imagine my surprise when I find out that he has broken up with his on-again-off-again abuse victim. Finally we are both single at the same time.
We get hideously drunk and end up going home together. Now I had lost a job and gotten a new one in Florida. Heading down there only a few days after this affair. It was one of those moments like Johnny going off to war and saying goodbye the only way he knows how.
It was so passionate. We had a lot of fun. And then he started to say things that I hadn't expected. About how much he loved me. That he had always loved me. That I was so special and wonderful and that he didn't want to be apart from me for a minute longer. He said that he would come to Florida with me. He literally said that he would move down there with me to keep me from being lonely.
I was thrilled! I couldn't believe that this was actually going to happen. That I was going to get to be with the one that I had wanted for so long. It just doesn't happen that way. The guy doesn't get the guy that he wants? I was going to though. I basked in that afterglow knowing that I was going to be happy.
He didn't call the next day.
He didn't call the day that I was leaving.
He didn't come to the party to say goodbye.
In fact, he ignored me completely. Then his ex called me to discuss him. I couldn't. I tried to be interested in his self pity but I just couldn't do it. They were dragging me into the middle of the relationship that I wanted to be dragging other people into. It should have been me calling him to complain about not having him there with me. It was humiliating and disgusting.
Then, my dad died.
He didn't call.
He really didn't care.
His ex called.
I really didn't care.
There wasn't a shower hot enough to get me to feel clean. I literally shut down. I wanted to hurt him.
I told the ex that we fucked.
Now the reaction that I was expecting was quite different from what I got. He was feeling all self-loathing and pathetic. I said, "You are not the only person he has fucked over! My GOD! I fucked him and he told me he loved me and then never called me again!" He suddenly became concerned. I guess that the friend had told his ex-abuse victim that he hadn't had sex with anybody else (ouch) while they were broken up and then they had sex again. Without condoms. So, he suddenly got scared. If he lied about having sex with me, who else had he been sleeping with. I told him another friend's name that I know he had banged. I was hurt, cut me some slack.
The ex goes to get tested.
He's positive.
I freaked out.
He freaked out.
The friend didn't call either one of us.
But I can't be around you
And not be crazy
So here is another story about the same friend.
My father died of Alzheimer's disease a year and a half ago. It was so horrible. Even though I knew it was going to happen and the last year of his life was truly hell I was still torn apart.
Now I mention this for a reason that will become apparent.
This friend of mine and I, as I have stated, have a mutual attraction and at the point of New Years 2 years ago it was at full throttle. Every time we saw each other we would either kiss or just make stupid goo-goo eyes; sickening all of our friends.
So imagine my surprise when I find out that he has broken up with his on-again-off-again abuse victim. Finally we are both single at the same time.
We get hideously drunk and end up going home together. Now I had lost a job and gotten a new one in Florida. Heading down there only a few days after this affair. It was one of those moments like Johnny going off to war and saying goodbye the only way he knows how.
It was so passionate. We had a lot of fun. And then he started to say things that I hadn't expected. About how much he loved me. That he had always loved me. That I was so special and wonderful and that he didn't want to be apart from me for a minute longer. He said that he would come to Florida with me. He literally said that he would move down there with me to keep me from being lonely.
I was thrilled! I couldn't believe that this was actually going to happen. That I was going to get to be with the one that I had wanted for so long. It just doesn't happen that way. The guy doesn't get the guy that he wants? I was going to though. I basked in that afterglow knowing that I was going to be happy.
He didn't call the next day.
He didn't call the day that I was leaving.
He didn't come to the party to say goodbye.
In fact, he ignored me completely. Then his ex called me to discuss him. I couldn't. I tried to be interested in his self pity but I just couldn't do it. They were dragging me into the middle of the relationship that I wanted to be dragging other people into. It should have been me calling him to complain about not having him there with me. It was humiliating and disgusting.
Then, my dad died.
He didn't call.
He really didn't care.
His ex called.
I really didn't care.
There wasn't a shower hot enough to get me to feel clean. I literally shut down. I wanted to hurt him.
I told the ex that we fucked.
Now the reaction that I was expecting was quite different from what I got. He was feeling all self-loathing and pathetic. I said, "You are not the only person he has fucked over! My GOD! I fucked him and he told me he loved me and then never called me again!" He suddenly became concerned. I guess that the friend had told his ex-abuse victim that he hadn't had sex with anybody else (ouch) while they were broken up and then they had sex again. Without condoms. So, he suddenly got scared. If he lied about having sex with me, who else had he been sleeping with. I told him another friend's name that I know he had banged. I was hurt, cut me some slack.
The ex goes to get tested.
He's positive.
I freaked out.
He freaked out.
The friend didn't call either one of us.
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